The Dreaded Question
I got that dreaded question this weekend.
ARE YOU PREGNANT?
Well no, I’m just fat was my response. I assured the person who asked that I had no intention of having any more children so that she would make a mental note not to ask me again.
No this didn’t make me feel too good. Ironically, I’d been talking about this with my husband. Telling him the way my weight centered on my upper abdomen and its roundness really did make me look pregnant. But really, when someone else asks you the question, it’s such a slap in the face. How the hell did I get here and why can’t I get out? I’ve been thinking, “no this is the truth, don’t let it bother you,” well easier said than done.
I was supposed to weigh in today. I just couldn’t do it. I was scared to see the numbers. Being asked if I was pregnant didn’t help dispel the fear. It’s all stressed me out and gotten me craving chocolate and stuff. I’m sort of in one of those bad places today that get me back to doing the things that are not healthy. Facing the reality that to some people I’m so big they can only think to ask if I’m pregnant is just depressing. I’m really struggling today trying to figure out how to stop this madness and take the weight off. It just seems that unless it’s something extreme I won’t be able to do it. Is gastric bypass for me?
It’s not the best way to start the week. It’s going to be hard. I can just feel it. The sadness, disappointment, guilt, low self-esteem are all really strong at this time. I will try for a better tomorrow, but let me confess, I started the day with a small slice of leftover birthday cake. The sugar from the frosting tasted soooo good. It’s like I was out of rehab and took a hit of a drug and relapsed. Why is food like this for me?
I need lots of support this week. Even as I write I’m struggling to stay put and not run out to buy chocolate. Let’s see, maybe I’ll try a sugar free hot chocolate to get through the afternoon. I need to get back to my inner pep talk monologue.
Why isn’t magic real on days like today? I could really use a good old spell to make the blues go away and loose a quick 50lbs.
CaurLife 
Hang in there!
The best way I’ve found to create long-term change is through a series of very small, seemingly easy changes.
You could start with something like eating a serving of vegetables with one meal a day as your goal. Do that for two weeks, then graduate to eating two servings of vegetables a day. Slowly build from there in small increments like walking for ten minutes every other day.
All that is to say that you don’t have to try to change everything cold-turkey. Statistically, it doesn’t work very well.
However, I hear you on the struggle with health and fitness. I’ve been researching this field for over ten years and it has become my profession. However, my own journey only started out with eliminating soda for two months and then I added on to that. Just take it slow. One step, one day at a time. You can do it! I’m really sorry to hear that that individual asked you if you were pregnant. That was really irresponsible of them. I hope it was just because they’re stupid rather than malicious.
We wish you the best! Please stick with it. You can do it! Just put one step in front of the other one day at a time. š
I know what you mean about the chocolate- some days I dream about it the entire day. It’s a good thing my office is far away from any place I can buy the stuff.
HI–I’m so sorry to hear that. How painful! I wish I had some good advice… but just “love yourself.”
Thanks for all your support everyone! The issue with the question is having to realize that what your image of yourself is and what the reality is can often be totally disconnected. I don’t “feel” like a fat person, but when I look at myself in pictures I know I’m overweight. Does that make sense? Also, I don’t like looking at recent pictures of myself because I don’t like what I see. Having to accept it all is the hard part and the part I’m still struggling with. I guess I do want an easy way out, but yes, slow and easy steps are the way. BTW, I satisfied my need for chocolate with a some microwave popcorn. Better the salt than the sugar.