Acceptance

Things since Sunday have been really difficult. It seems the reality of someone asking me if I’m pregnant is weighing me down emotionally. I have not stayed true to my plan. I haven’t totally gone off the edge, I’m still talking myself out of many things, but I’m gravitating towards carbs. My eating is obviously tied to my emotions. I am one of those people that eats to cope with stress and depression. Needless to say Sunday put me back into a place of depression versus optimism.

I’ve also been thinking that maybe it would just be easier if I accepted my size. Maybe I need to realize that I am big and that it’s not the end of the world. Maybe my focus on weight is the problem. I wonder if I just accepted myself and worked on feeling good about other aspects of my life the weight issue would recede. I am so obsessed with the weight that I can’t see the other good things in my life.

I’ve also realized I need to buy clothes. I keep putting it off thinking I will lose weight and that will be my reward. In the meantime every morning looking at my closet I am confronted with all these clothes that just don’t fit. That’s depressing too. I need to get myself clothes that fit and not consider it a reward. The more I look at clothes that don’t fit the more unhappy and despondent I become.

Maybe it’s time I thought seriously about getting help through Weight Watchers or a nutritionist. Outside support and encouragement might help me stay on track and see the bigger picture. I really am impatient about this. The more impatient I become the more lapses I have.  This process is hard but, I’ve done it before. Now I need to do it in a way that is sustainable.

It’s time I just accepted myself.

Any good advice? Please share!

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